Weekend – lonely, depressed, tired? What?

Hell, I hate myself sometimes. I can’t figure myself out and I am 51 years old!!!  One day I think I am feeling a bit more positive and the next I have slipped back in my hole. I think I feel more comfortable in my hole yjan other places, but I shouldn’t be.

I should BE with my life.

Instead I sit here, just regrouping from a long work week, doing nothing, only to have to go back to work reality on Monday.

I don’t know what I want with who I am and I don’t know how to fix it.  Or should I fix it?  Well since I am in an active time of self-injury and self-deprecation, then I really should change or fix me.

I saw my therapist yesterday, That helped to see him, but I wished I could take him home with me (hahahaha, sometimes for different reasons than others!!). Today, I just wish I could remember what all we talked about and his guidance. Im sitting here trying to hear his voice in my brain. I have seen him for so many years that I just want to remember!!!!!!! Today, I don’t seem to be able to.


I don’t know. I am tired. I am tired of the suicidal images (though thankfully they have calmed down a bit). I am tired of not liking myself of wishing I was different.

I am definitely  rambling today. I hope you have stayed to read my words. It helps to know that somebody out there is reading, and maybe even relating to my thoughts.

Love you to all.

Jackie W.

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