I Can’t Take It!!!!

The NOISE in my office – I can’t take it. I work in a very busy place, and a very LOUD place.  My saving grace is the window that I can look out on the world and try to escape in my mind. That I have discovered quiet music on Spotify that can drown a bit of the sound out. I am not allowed to have noise cancelling head phones on because I answer the phone, but at least it helps.

There is a homeless woman up here right now – she is nice enough, but loud and wants to be heard by everyone. Oh wait, she is headed downstairs, so that’s good.

Overall, I work in a non-profit agency that likes to help people, but can be way too chaotic for my liking. And my stress level builds. And when my stress level builds….

I have suicidal thoughts.

Not like I want to die by suicide, but I get the imagery of suicide and it’s tiring. It has gotten a little better in the past couple of weeks, but it’s still there. The dark, dreary, descriptive imagery of my demise by my own hands. Over and over again.

I guess stress does this to me. I used to be very upset by these images, but I am trying to learn that stress and noise can amp up my brain into a dark place. They will go away;

The thoughts.


They have to.

It’s quiet in the upstairs part of our building at the moment. For now. It’s lunch time and everyone went out to lunch together. Except for me. I don’t want to for social reasons and sounds reasons.

I will enjoy the peace and prepare for round two.

Thanks for reading

Jackie W.

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