The NOISE in my office – I can’t take it. I work in a very busy place, and a very LOUD place. My saving grace is the window that I can look out on the world and try to escape in my mind. That I have discovered quiet music on Spotify that can drown a bit of the sound out. I am not allowed to have noise cancelling head phones on because I answer the phone, but at least it helps.
There is a homeless woman up here right now – she is nice enough, but loud and wants to be heard by everyone. Oh wait, she is headed downstairs, so that’s good.
Overall, I work in a non-profit agency that likes to help people, but can be way too chaotic for my liking. And my stress level builds. And when my stress level builds….
I have suicidal thoughts.
Not like I want to die by suicide, but I get the imagery of suicide and it’s tiring. It has gotten a little better in the past couple of weeks, but it’s still there. The dark, dreary, descriptive imagery of my demise by my own hands. Over and over again.
I guess stress does this to me. I used to be very upset by these images, but I am trying to learn that stress and noise can amp up my brain into a dark place. They will go away;
They have to.
It’s quiet in the upstairs part of our building at the moment. For now. It’s lunch time and everyone went out to lunch together. Except for me. I don’t want to for social reasons and sounds reasons.
I will enjoy the peace and prepare for round two.
Thanks for reading