I saw a quote with similar words about a tired soul the other day. I am so up and down in my moods I cannot take it any more. I feel so tired, but I know it’s not for lack of sleep. I just get tired of fighting. Fighting for what, I do not know.
For my sanity? Or to not LOSE my sanity?
I have been relatively stable in my mental health for about 4-5 years. But when I fall in my hole it takes a toll on my whole well-being. I am severely stressed at work. I am happiest when I am alone in my room. Or rather, I am safe. Definitely not safe from myself because my room is where my self harm can happen. But I feel just free to be me, maybe. I don’t know.
Work has me stressed for a multitude of reasons. But at this moment, I was just told by my supervisor that I have to attend a two-day meeting that I thought I could get out of. I gave her the list of what I was trying to get done this week and she said no. I told her I have a dr’s appt and have to leave by 2:00 on Friday. She did not answer my email regarding that. I won’t miss my appointment.
With my therapist.
I am in such a semi fragile state that I need these appointments that are closer together then they have been. I need to hear his warm, reassuring voice that calms me and his sage words that while many I have heard before still can keep my perspective in check.
So yes, my soul is tired. I just want…nothingness.
And unfortunately, life just doesn’t allow that to happen.
Thanks for reading and take care.