I was talking to my mom yesterday. She and my step-father had gone to have dinner with a friend who’s best friend had just passed away. While I know that Suzanne can be awfully gruff with her talking, I guess she was exceptionally “Raw” on that evening. I reminded my mom that she is dealing with grief in her own way. I know my mom understood, but she also went on to say that Suzanne’s house was so dark, no blinds open and it was rather depressing. She delved into the topic quite for a bit of time. While I know she was not trying to judge Suzanne’s actions, I somehow took it personally.
And I know why.
Little did she know that I almost always live in my bedroom, blinds drawn from the light of the world; darkness making me feel, I don’t know, safe. Or may just in the darkness I don’t need to think about what’s going on in my brain so much.
Or maybe it makes it worse. I really don’t know.
So for all of us who want to live in the darkness at times, I want you to know that you are not alone in the “whys” of your decisions. You may need that safety or calming that the dark needs. Or you may just need to deal with your Self. But please, oh please, be gentle with YOU.
Do I always live in the dark when I am home alone in my room? No, but quite often. I have a whole house to roam in (well a small house, but just one child left at home), but I find my room as my space to be what ever I need to be at that moment.
Thanks for reading.