Yes, that is me, the blubbery mama of 4 – my baby is taking his driver’s test today. It seems rather silly, but it is just one more step towards seeing my children leave me. My 18 year old son moved out two weeks ago and my girls are both living their own lives.
As proud as I am of all of them, it just plain hurts. I know it can be natural to feel this way, but dammit, it really hits me hard at times. I saw my therapist yesterday and all I seemed to do was weep and whimper while I tried to grab on to the words he was saying and take them home to try to fight the sadness.
My coworker said yesterday how happy she will be to have her youngest move on and that I will feel that way too. Welllllll, don’t tell me how I am supposed to feel! I know she was trying to make me feel better, but she doesn’t live in my life and in my head.
And definitely not in my heart.
Soooo today my youngest will take his driver’s test. I will be so proud of him when he passes. But I also will know that a certain part of our relationship will change as he makes his independence in his own car and his new-found life with keys.
We all cry over things (or at least feel very sad), but sometimes I think this curse of mental illness can amplify emotions to an out of almost control level.
Thanks for reading